Shhhh…don’t tell anyone!

 

I didn’t want ANYONE to know that I was having the gastric bypass surgery. Oh. Em. Gee, how embarrassing! For my J term class, we have to read all of these different articles and I found this excerpt to be very interesting:

“In our own increasingly “healthiest” and body-conscious culture, the politically correct body for both sexes is the lean, strong, androgynous, and physically “fit” form through which the core cultural values of autonomy, toughness, competiveness, youth, and self-control are readily manifest. Health increasingly viewed in the United States as an achieved rather than an ascribed status and each individual is expected to “work hard” at being strong, fit, and healthy.” (the mindful body 1987)

Check that action out, I cited it and everything! Lets break this apart shall we? First I’d like to call your attention to the “work hard” portion. No one was working harder than me (at least in my eyes) at trying to lose weight. I went to the gym, watched what I ate and tried really hard to limit myself on things that were tasty and delicious and still I would gain weight. I tried the military diet, have you heard of that? You eat a grapefruit, 3 saltine crackers, and a cup of coffee for 4 days straight and then eat normal the next 3 days. The only thing that diet had me doing was over-eating on my 3 days so I actually gained weight rather than lost it!

Next I’d like to point out “youth” and “competiveness”. First of all, I’ve celebrated my 29th birthday 7 times so no one is getting any younger here. The older you get, the harder it is to lose weight. Second of all, competition is a HORRIBLE thing when it comes to weight. All it does is makes you despise other people. If my friend (who was not on a diet) would loose weight, I would be happy for her but on the inside, I would loathe her. My husband gave up Altoid’s and dropped like 10 pounds. He’s lucky he’s cute. Why would I be so smug about them losing weight? Was I bad person? No, I was just jealous.

To get to my point, I didn’t want ANYONE to know I was going to have the surgery because I was deathly afraid of what they were going to think about me. Why does that even matter? Are you living my life? No. Then why do I care what you think? Because I am a human being. I want everyone to think I tried my hardest and I didn’t need to turn to surgery to help me. Gastric bypass surgery has a negative stigma surrounding it. You get surgery because you can’t hack it on your own. You get surgery because you’re lazy and you are taking the easy way out. “How did you loose so much weight?” I just put the fork down…

Let me tell you this was NOT the easy way out. This process has been the most difficult, trying thing I have ever done in my entire life. I will post more about that later (I don’t want this to get too long). I will post about throwing up, getting sick, almost passing out, almost pooping my pants… um, yeah. This is not something that I should be ashamed of. This is something that I should be proud of and it took me over a year and a half to realize that. I stand proud with my bypass decision and it is the best choice for ME.

 

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2 thoughts on “Shhhh…don’t tell anyone!

  1. Eat less, move more, easy. You could manage your weight if only you would get your act together. Yeah, uh huh. I know exactly what you mean. it’s the most frustrating, discouraging thing when you work So hard, do everything you know how to do, yet the pounds keep adding up. There are many people in your shoes. I have thought about the surgery myself. Your story will mean so much to many people, and I admire your courage in not only going through with the surgery, but sharing your experience. No one can understand the way you do for having been there yourself.
    Yeah, my husband cuts out bread with dinner and loses 5 pounds. Grrrr. I’m even jealous of my daughter who got her dad’s tall and very skinny genes. Even worse, I gloat when I see someone bigger than me. At least I’m not THAT big. Whew! Damn, I am a very bad person.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t think you’re bad!! I honk you’re honest. I just got done watching that show on TLC, my 600 pound life and thought to myself…thank God I wasn’t that big. It’s so sad to watch the mental struggle that food has on so many people. It’s not as easy as “putting the fork down”.

      Liked by 1 person

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