I’m giving you fair warning that this is a rant. I am beyond upset even though I knew it was coming. I have a five words for you: Lady Gaga and Super Bowl half time show.
Oh. My. God. I shouldn’t pay ANY attention to this because it just makes me angry. I am sure you have all heard by now about Lady Gaga’s tiny little skin flab that hung over her shorts during the half time show. Have you not heard about this? Here is a photo that has the internet up in arms:
Do you see it? I barley see it. Here are the following tweets:
“Lady Gaga needs to do some crunches if she wants to show her flabby belly”
“Tried to enjoy LadyGaga’s performance, was distracted by the flab on her stomach swinging around” Nathan
“Was waiting for a surprise guest just got Lady Gaga’s gut” Jake
Um, Ok, JAKE..who are you anyway? Jake from StateFarm? Jake, can you get up on stage and run around for, what, at LEAST 10 minutes while dancing and singing hit song after hit song without GASPING for air? I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you JAKE!!!!!!
I knew this was going to happen. I was sitting on the couch with my mother-in-law and I told her that the internet was going to go ballistic over Lady Gaga’s tiny little skin flap that hung over her adorable silver shorts. She said she would love to have a body like Lady Gaga. Did I think it was anything to gawk at? Um, no. Please see attached YouTube video. But I knew that the world is filled with assholes that have nothing better to do than spout off about how Lady Gaga has some EXTRA SKIN. Look at her body! I would LOVE to have her body. That tiny skin flap is probably a food baby from all of the pre-game food she ate.
These people out there have NO idea what she has to do to prepare to get on stage in front of the whole damn world and jump around signing and dancing. And yet these pretentious pricks take it upon themselves to sit back in their la-Z-boy recliners with their hands down their pants and rant about how she has a food baby hanging over her shorts.
Did you watch my youtube video (I also posted it below)? It was longer but my lips weren’t synced up to my voice and it drove me crazy, like I was in some sort of bad Godzilla movie. I clipped it to only show you my extra skin. Lets start at the beginning. I don’t even know where to start because I’m madder than a wet hen!
I have lost over 105 pounds. I have a LOT of extra skin that I am actually having removed on Friday. I wear a compression tank top every single day to keep my skin from rubbing on itself, getting all swassy, and flopping about uncontrollably. Does Lady Gaga need to wear a compression tank? NO! You cannot even see my belly button! I have to literally LIFT my skin and hold it up in order to see my belly button. I have gone 30-some-odd years without being able to see my belly button and these mother-effers (is mother-effers hyphenated?) are going to condemn someone publicly because of a tiny bit of flab. I am SO outraged! My double panis (that’s what they call my FUPA and my muffin-top) hang below my pubis. Do you think that Nathan and Jake have perfect bodies with flat tummies? I HIGHLY doubt it.
I take this SO personally because I have worked so hard to get where I am today. Going 35 years with being overweight wasn’t bad enough, now I have piles of extra skin to worry about. So, you say to yourself, “what is this skinny bitch whining about?” Yes. I know I only weigh 122 and by the looks of me in my clothes, I could easily put back on a few pounds and still be ok. However, when I look in the mirror, I still see a 250 pound girl. I see her because I am fat on the inside. My physical body has the same characteristics it did when I was fat. I still have a “muffin top” and I still have a FUPA (please Google if you don’t know what this is just DON’T look at the pictures). So its hard to think, “yeah, I look great and I feel awesome” when I still see all of this extra crap hanging off of my body.
I get so worked up because these fat <insert meanest name you can think of here> sit at home and hide behind their computers and say nasty stuff about a beautiful and courageous woman. Now, I don’t give two shits if you like her music or not, it takes some awesome self-confidence to get up there and dance around in those little shorts. I commend you Lady Gaga for having the courage to show the world it’s ok to dance on stage with your food baby and have millions of eyes watching and judging your every move. Nathan and Jake can kiss my double panis.