I cannot possibly continue to claim to be fat on the inside if I don’t mention something about pie. Today, people all around the world use 3/14 as an excuse to shove their fat faces full of delicious pie and I wish I could join them. I would love nothing more than to go to Bakers Square and get one piece of every single pie (except sour cream-raisin because, EW) and just eat away. While that would put the most standard person in a diabetic coma, it may kill me. I can only imagine I would look like Agustus Gloop from Willy Wonka with pie all over my face.
I think out of all the things I miss the most, warm apple pie would be at the top of my list. Load some caramel onto that apple pie and I would eat until I can’t eat any more. Apparently there are people who eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. Who are these people? I’m pretty sure they are like a majestic unicorns because I’ve never seen them in real life. Instead of going out and getting pie, I’m going to put on my pajamas and sulk because I’d have to buy an entire pie. Only crazed maniacs and serial killers go and buy ONE piece of pie. God knows if I bought an entire pie I’d eat it one bite at a time over the next week until it was gone. I just can’t help myself. So, the rest of you out there, go and enjoy pie day without me. Get some blueberry pie and tell me all about it.